Holiday merriments and survival kit

It's a curse. It's always crazy around this time of the year. By this time of the year, I mean the time frame which starts a week before Thanksgiving and concludes a few days after the New Year. Guess what? We're right smack dab in the middle of this dirty little mess. It doesn't matter how low-key you try to keep holiday gatherings. It doesn't reduce the stress factor. Don't ask me. I didn't make the rules up. I just put up with it.

So, the next few days is gonna pose a challenge to your ability as a human being to tolerate as much craziness and still manage to crack a smile for those precious little snapshots.

Rest assured, these are some things you can always rely on:

1. The Christmas tree always leaning - due to a higher concentration of ornaments on the forefront of the tree.
2. The faulty Christmas light bulb - one bad apple ruins the party. You should've tested the lights before stringing it around your already lop-sided tree.
3. The one house in the block that looks like a giant holiday elf got drunk and vomited season's tidings and joy all over their lawn. 
4. The one house that never took down their lights from last year. Way to go. Blurring the line between efficient and lazy. 
5. Very distant relatives and acquaintances all of a sudden giving you a call just to say "hey". 
6. Endless sales and ads to lure you to get that wallet out and fork over your hard-earned happy buck. 
7. Some dumb-ass stealing your parking space at the mall. 
8. Some kind of drama. A different breed of crazy comes out this time of the year, for sure. 
9. 24 hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" on TBS. Only I already own the DVD because I love the movie, and it's my own personal tradition to watch it on Christmas.
10. A crap load of family friendly made for TV holiday shows and movies.  Usually about someone losing or lacking something in their lives then finding it through the magic of Christmas. 
11. Being late on sending out Christmas cards.  
12. The release of Christmas albums by your favorite pop stars. Because the world is incomplete without this new rendition of "Santa, Baby". 
13. The ratio between shoppers and cashiers is still waaaaayyy off. 
14. The yule log burning on TV screens for all those deprived of real fireplaces. 
15. Lost packages.  Somewhere out there, some little old lady is serving up spiked nog in your 5 piece officially licensed Playboy bar set. Deal with it.
    

My holiday survival kit:
A sense of humor
Booze
The knowledge that in just a couple of weeks, this too shall pass. Like a tinsel covered bladder stone.

Soon we can stash away the tree and the ornaments. Return gifts. Or maybe even regift. Blame the holidays for the weight gained, for the bills incurred, and so on, so forth. Back to work. Back to school. Back to normal life, right?

Wrong.

Remember, Valentine's day is just around the corner.

Season's greetings,
From your friendly neighborhood pen monkey.